On Sunday morning I woke up early and went to see The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that if you're trying to wean yourself off the hallucinogenic drugs, this would be the perfect nicotine-patch equivalent. It's quite possibly the weirdest film I've ever seen in my life - and that includes Holy Smoke (except that was absolutely fucking atrocious and a frankly shocking waste of everybody's time and effort, whereas Spongebob is just gratuitously bonkers).

Go see it! An evil plankton tries to take over the world, half-heartedly supported by his world-weary computer wife Karen. Spongebob and Patrick get chased by a hired hitman on a chopper (underwater), end up in a marine gift shop having been captured by a guy in on old-fashioned diving suit, and David Hasslehoff saves the day with his mechanised pecs - what more could you desire?

Anyway, what I wanted to do was highlight the subtle but quite shocking use of the insult "McSpazatron". I thought we were all politically correct now?

I also saw Ocean's Twelve this week. Nice to see Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones letting the side down for women all over the world for looking pretty but having little if any acting ability and generally being annoying. Thanks girls. We owe you one.